Suck it, Winter

Dear Old Man Winter,

Clearly, you've moved on to Phase 2 and are now resorting to killing me brutally and ruthlessly, not softly. The sub-zero temperatures for over a week, the super sub-zero wind chills, the traffic jams, the threat of death every time I venture outside? I get it. Phase 2.

Listen up!
a) I'm growing real tired of feeling like I'm inhaling glass. It hurts.
b) My hands look like the hands of a hobo who's been train-hopping since October. Dryness that no amount of lotion can cure.
c) I can't throw on a single layer without the static electricity springing my hair to life which, last time I checked, isn't *in* this season.
d) Despite my charcoal gray car being solid white from all the salt, it's pointless because THE SALT WON'T EVEN WORK IN THIS COLD.

Your days are numbered - Punxsutawney Phil said so - so live it up.

Not love,
Poodle

P.S. Today Show - you're not helping either. Quit showing that animated thermometer perched over the Midwest rubbing ice cubes all over itself. Seriously, talk about salt in the wound...